Monday, June 21, 2010

Funhouse Carnival Ride

Glen Echo, Maryland

This trip home was overall less stressful than some past ones. Maybe because it was just 48 hours.

I'm not sure what was different. I feel like the difference must have been with me -- my expectations or perspective or something -- because externally not much was different.

The hardest thing was with the home health aide. He's a wonderful guy, very professional and a god-send to the family. But I don't know. I feel ... funny around him. I think it's guilt and self-consciousness. Guilt because he sees my Dad nearly every day and I wonder what he thinks of me, and the limited time that I'm there. And how I use that time.

I want to try to interact with Dad more, but it feels funny around him. Like, he knows my Dad now better than I do. Much better. I felt a little more at ease in the evenings.

And god, he sees everything with us. The good, the bad and the ugly. Not necessarily in that order and certainly not in that relative proportion.

So I'm exhausted as usual and ready to get into my bed, crank the AC down to the level I like for sleeping (around 65), and just get unconscious for a good 9 hours or so. Lots of work this week.

But a good trip. Very glad I went.

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