Drained

Someone mentioned that after a little time away I must feel relaxed and rested. Actually, not.

First, I don't relax that much when I'm away. Second, I don't relax that much around family.

It's hard to explain. I think it's just really weird being around people 24/7 when you're used to spending so much of your time alone. Though I've gotten better about carving out little pieces of time for myself on these visits, the fact is, the time really isn't your own, even when you're on your own. There's always an expectation to compete with, and a bit of guilt for maybe not meeting it.

Then, of course, layer onto that all the complications and history that come with family. And finally, stir in a good bit of communication dysfunction and, well, you get a fairly stressful few days.

It seems no amount of sleep, napping or accidentally nodding off is quite enough to counteract the exhaustion, at least for several days. It's like decompression.

And now I have to make reservations to go back again in just three weeks. Oy.